Transcript:GRANNY'S GONE CRAZY!
:five sound :Jack: Top of the mornin' to ya laddies! My name is Jacksepticeye, and welcome to Granny. Not my Granny, my Granny never looked like that, I mean she might've looked like that in the mornings but she never came after me with a baseball bat covered in blood. But this is a game that a lot of people have been asking for a long time because it became a big thing on YouTube last year, maybe before that but I remember trying to record; it was just a phone or iPad game before, it was a mobile game before this and I remember trying it on my phone and the audio just wouldn't record for me so I kind of gave up on it but now it's out on Steam, so I thought I'd give it a little looksy to see what it's all about - what is going on with you? What're you looking at? Every now and then it's just a Grandma voice 'What? What'd you say? Never mind I'm old.' :Okay, play ball. 'Difficulty normal: Opportunity to get a bonus day'. Okay I don't know anything about the gameplay of this. 'Tip: Be quiet. She hears everything' - S*** - 'Keep in mind that if you drop objects on the floor, it creates sounds' - Okay - 'Hold F to free yourself from bear traps' - now why Granny gone and put bear traps all over the house? That's what I wanna know - 'Hide under the beds or in the cabinets. You have five days. Use headphones for best experience.' pats Got 'em. :'Get out of there, you only have five days. All you need is in the house and be quiet. She hears everything and Granny is crazy. Good luck.' Yours sincerely, Grandad and this is why I left. sounds Okay so what am I collecting, what am I doing, how do I get out of the house, why do I need five days to get out of it? animal noise Not even in the house yet. Oh Grandmother... hey there's the house. Is this gonna be a Stephen King's Misery kind of thing? I'm lost, I get to the house, Granny loves soft subtle slim hip little f***ers - Ohhh, I saw that! kicks in Was that Gram Gram? Nana? Here it comes. Ohhh Lordy, oh don't turn around - oh, Granny will getcha. laughs Bonk! Okay, I'm into it, it's cheesy it's weird. Let us try and escape from Grannies. I don't know why Granny wants me. :voice Day one. :Smells like moth balls in here Granny, smells like old dirty underwear. Sniffs I found the source. Flashlight - whoa! Alright so what am I getting? 'Leave this house.' Oh Jesus Christ okay, alright I will try and leave this house. Oh no put it back noise Ergh, that's bad. Oh God oh God, oh God Granny's here already! It said five days, okay I dropped the f***ing vase and she's in here already chuckles Aw man. :Granny: You want to play hide and seek? :Jack: No, I'm voluntarily playing hide and seek but go away now. No bingo in here. :Oh come on Granny! Gra - Granny! Ow, that's my good face. :Day two. Oh yeah we have five days, so I just keep getting knocked out? Aw, that's gonna be really bad for me, I'm gonna get a concussion. Alright well at least she doesn't lock the door. 'I have to leave this house' - I am well aware of this fact dude. Oh, she didn't unlock the door. Oh I have to get her to come in. :Heh heh heh, she'll never find me in the cheese. Oh she opened it good. I don't know the mechanics yet, I don't know how fast I am, I don't know if I can actually outrun her and hide after I outrun her or anything. :Granny: ...here. :Jack: No you don't. :quiet Okay okay okay, there's a bear trap, that's f***ing great, I love when Granny puts bear traps down for her sweet baby boy. 'Something is inside this melon'. giggles Am I finding a f***ing key inside this melon?! noise Uh oh uh oh uh oh. Can I throw the melon? gasps She's right there she's right there, she's right outside the thing, oh f***. Hi! :Granny: noise :Jack: strange noise, chuckles Granny or Gollum? :I wanna know what the f*** is inside this melon. Granny wants to know what's inside my melon, that's why she keeps beating me over the head. :She put down a f***ing bear trap? No no, are you - are you serious? How did you hear me? God almighty - owwwchie, f***. Well this is troublesome, Granny f***ing sucks a big ol' fat one doesn't she? :Alright mhaimeo í whispers it's granny in Irish. Getting educational on ya'll. Why is my PC so unbelievably warm? Is this the hardest to run game on planet Earth? :voice Leave this place. Oh f*** laughs You'd think I'd be able to smell her by now, Granny's not having the best time, I have five days to get out of here, can I just relegate myself to death? Ohhh it's getting all jam on the outside. My legs are getting broken as I go. :Are you f***ing serious? Did I just knock the picture and now Granny's gonna come in? It's kinda cool though that the bed gets bloodier and bloodier. :Granny: giggles :Jack: You don't see s*** old lady balls. Why's Granny got a baseball bat? Ma! Granny's gone f***ing crazy again! Is she off her meds? I mean I'd probably go crazy if I was out here in the woods alone, I did go a little crazy when I was out in the woods alone, I was living in a log cabin I didn't know what to do with myself. :She went left so I'll go downstairs, go go go, go go go noises Oh come on! What's making all the noise? squeals Cool, a f***ing wrench. AH JESUS CHRIST! Okey smokes! Alright Granny it's good to see ya, thanks oh come on, ding a ling, dinner's ready. I already know what I want for dinner, it's a big 'ol case of f*** off. :Am I outrunning her? Is it working? Is that what's happening? Oh, it's a bell, oh I hit the bell. :Granny can you just take the bus to b**** ville? Heh heh heh, she'll never find me under here. With the big giant flashlight sticking out underneath. Hi Gram Gram! You got any money or hard candy? :Granny: giggles :Jack: Okay, she may old, she may be a granny but she laughs like a nine year old girl. :Is there a way for me to not be a thundering c*** going through the house? piano music I'm making the loudest footsteps ever, maybe because my leg is broken. Oh f*** you dildo! :How do I - how do I crouch? Can I crouch - I can f***ing crouch. Oh my God, am I the Granny? Is that why I'm moving so slow? :Granny: faint You want to play hide and seek? :Jack: mimics You want to play hide and seek? chuckles Oh, my granny may be a b**** but she fun. Okay I don't know what that is but this has a shiny sparkle on it so I'm gonna assume that it's important. Alright, were not dead anyways so that's good. 'This is my fifth day in this house. She chases me wherever I go. I'm quite injured and my body hurts. The only thing I remember before I woke up in this house is that I was drawing when my car suddenly broke down' - driving! Not drawing. Why would you be drawing in your car like 'Ah, on my way to Grandma's house' chuckles Maybe he was writing this - 'I went out to see what the problem was when someone suddenly hit me in the head. I managed to open a pair of locks on the front door but that's all' - :Granny: faintly I'm here. :Jack: Do you? 'Why does she do this? I hope no one will experience the same thing as I do. If I do not survive this and if someone finds this message, I have noticed she sometimes hides things inside fruits.' Good to know boss. Alright on we go. pants accent Oh these legs of mine, these ol' broken legs of mine, I wish they'd work. noises I hear the outside world, I hear the bugs and the birds and the bees. Granny's making a guillotine, ooh cog wheel noise Oh Christ. Part of a shotgun, need a playhouse key - you need too many things. Uh oh uh oh, he's just peeking through the hole like 'Granny, no one's here, is she gone?' :Take care now, f*** off then. Oh I didn't mean it! I'm sure all the other grannies at bingo love you, look the bingo bus is coming, time to go. You need to wash yourself as well. All those skin flaps man, they hold a lot of dirt and disease. Bye! :Granny just walks and s***s out bear traps wherever she goes. Okay there's the bell, alright so that's what I rang last time when I was walking all over the floor cool. Um I don't know if I need this cog - I probably need everything but it's a pain in the a** to try and get them and move them in all the locations that they need to be in. I need a playhouse key, I need a safe key, I've got part of a shotgun, I got a cog, I have a wrench - what does it all mean? Oh come on, she gonna come after me again? Why do I not have a inventory? Oh granny! No no no. Oh Jesus Christ, she's taunting me, she's teasing me, she saw me in the cupboard and she was like 'Come on dude, it's not working, I can see you!' And I'm like 'No you can't. I'm hidden, I'm like Batman.' :Granny's after me again already. startled What the f***ing - JESUS CHRIST! That scared the cr*p out of me! Holy - noises Well, five nights at granny's. Looks like meat for the meat grinder I guess. Fine I'll go to bingo with ya, if that's what you really want. Oh God! She just wanted to make out with me, that's all she wanted or maybe she ate me. I dunno, there was something oddly sexual about it. Alright game over try again. :voice Day one in the big granny house. Alright hopefully granny doesn't beat the s*** - well she already beat the s*** out of me. I need to get my flashlight, can I turn the flashlight off? 'Cos I don't know if that's getting me caught or not. F don't do it. Okay she's downstairs, good to know. Alright I need to start finding s*** and in a rapid fashion. Okay is this a thing - you are a thing. There's a piece of granny picture, that's nice I'll put that in the photo album back home - ahhh, secrets. Whoa! There's another part of a shotgun, oh is there multiple ways of finishing this? Safe key. Okay, can I like get multiple parts of the shotgun? I need a weapon key. And then when I have the shotgun complete can I actually go and shoot granny in the face? Aw I want that ending. Special key, alright that's there. Oh bodies - granny no! Oh f*** she's right there! Okay, okay, okay your little boy is going off to school now. :The safe is in here right? Yeah but she gonna hear that. Engine part. inhales There's the picture. Alright so, the problem with this is now there's too many endings or too many things I have to do and I don't know which one to prioritize. Okay. Drop the engine part in there so at least now I know where it is. Damn I thought she'd still be there and I thought it would'be broken the game. Oh come on everything gets knocked, everything makes noise. :Whispers Staying at granny's house f***ing sucks. :Like the music though. :blooping noises Okay, nice. Nice I need to more pieces! Two more pieces of picture! God there's so many ways to go and things to do and places to be, engine part, got it. Can I trap her in here and turn then heat on and melt her? Playhouse key, okay, there's the bits and pieces of shotgun, there's the ammo, alright so I'm learning things. I'm learning where bits and pieces of things are, got it. :Okay, so the playhouse was outside, I don't know what's actually out there. There's the safe key, I don't need the safe key anymore. Okay I read your message, yeah your dead, sorry maybe it was the person in the body bag back up there? :Can I put Granny in the guillotine? Chop her head off. Ah hah! Okay, so the cog goes here and the cow goes moo. :Jack: piano noises :Jack: Okay you know what? I'm actually just gonna do the engine part thing here, I'm getting a little bit of the hang of it, of the back and forth that needs to go on. Need a spark plug, you need a kick in the a** is what you need noise Oh come on! Granny's on the move. Which means I need to go the other way, alright get the cog, put it in, why can't it just be one thing? Why can't you have one ending that's just like oh yeah here's the thing now go do that and your done? And the other ones just be extra challenges. :Oh God. I need another cog, I didn't see another cog anyway. :It is nice though that it's still day one so I can technically - can I just survive the night? Can you just stay awake? :Where's the shotgun schematic? Oh. Clever girl. S*** there's no where to hide here. Doneso, need a padlock key, you need too many things in life man. Nobody needs this many things. Oh f*** oh f*** oh f***. :Granny: giggles :Jack: No granny no! I've been a good boy! footsteps, clinking noise She put down another bear trap. Where she keeping these things? In her a***? :She's just walking along, she's like 'Hee hee hee fart sound clonk. Bear trap! :Granso? Can I steal one of these? Need cutting pliers gags Have I actually gone up there? Don't think I have. Okay, so she's in - ah, I don't know the layout of the house well enough. I know this basement area pretty good now but I don't know the rest of it. And I'm assuming that's what all this game is, it's like 'oh, play this a billion times and learn the map and then you might be able to finish it.' Oh God did you make noise? Okay I have a special key but I have no special place. I don't know where to put it. :noise Oh f*** you, how did that thing get knocked over? I didn't even do anything. I just walked by and the wind just went 'Whoosh!' :Welp she's not coming out. Uh never mind. :I like how she put the thing back on the shelf like 'Now now, little boy. Stop knocking over my s***!' She can't be a real granny though, she ain't got no cats, she hasn't given me money yet. :Cr*p, cr*p! :What's at 'steak' here? Ha ha... :startled GRANNY! Granny, no! sighs Man, just when I was making progress, I made a pretty decent chunk of progress in day one. Now it's day two, ya'll remember how the days of the week work? So what do I need to do? What am I looking for? Where are the rest of the things? Who am I? Am I actually related to you? No it's f***ing locked! noise Ding a ling, granny I'm thirsty. :Oh that melon has something in it as well, I need to smash that melon. :She in here? God, the lighting sucks. Can't see s*** Captain! :Oh f***! How do I break that melon? Can I throw things? She picks it up and she's like 'This melon is not in the bathtub where I left it!' :Granny: giggles :Jack: makes fart noise, continues giggling :Oh I see ya, Oh I see your old varicous veins. :Granny: Who wants to play hide and seek? :Jack: Hide and seeeek. I wanna hear a version of her where she never stops, like 'you want to play hide and seeeeeeeeeeeek?' It's one of those audio illusions that just keep going. :Ooh, attic. Oh. Is that her practice dummy? swells Special key. AH JESUS! Are you s*** on my face right now? Oh Granny your house sucks a big d*** like you do. :Ooh, a weapon key, nice. Where did the weapon key go again? Where's anything go in this f***ing game? Okay, there's a piece of a shotgun again, I can bring that I guess. There's a teddy bear. :Ooh, weapon key goes here. Motherf***ing crossbow dog! Where's this old b****? 'Granny's now gone for about 2 minutes.' Oh Granny get knocked the f*** out! Okay, I need to start doing s***, okay, I - I don't know what I need actually, I need a good stern talking to. Okay, just kick the s*** out of her when she's on the ground. I ain't afraid of killing a granny, okay? 'Cos she ain't afraid of killing me. Okay, here's my f***ing melon. Okay. rings Wait is there an easier way back outside? I don't know where anything is, I don't know where anything is. Will you tell me when she's back? :Car battery. :Uh oh, she's gone. :Let's try this. Ah hah. What's in it? Padlock key! Okay so that leads to the car. noise Son of a b****! Nice, nisu, nisu. Okay if we can get out to the car and we can unlock that door, I know where the car battery is, I just need a spark plug. :Granny: noises :Jack: I also need a big 'ol case of go away gram gram. :Okay padlock key. fanfare Umm, 'cuse me? Are you, are you telling me that leads to nothing? Did you see me? You saw me didn't ya? You saw - she-she saw me, she-she saw me. Yeah very good, very good. Round of applause claps round of applause for Granny and her magical hearing. :Crossbow still down here? tinkling Oh oh oh OH! I had it, and I don't even think the bolt cutters where even in it anyway even if I picked it up and thunk. Am I dead? Oh, day five last day, okay good good good goody goody for me, so glad. :Oh no, oh no, there's a place a to hide up here right? Oh God, I almost did it again. :Granny: Where are you? Jack: I'm over here - I mean nowhere! :Need a hammer, I haven't even seen a hammer. :Oh God, I almost stood in the bear trap. noises, bell tinkles F***. Where she? Where she, I'm ready. I'mma f*** her up man! :Where the hell did I leave this - AH! Jesus! Where the hell did I leave the special key? :Ah, cr*p! Ow, God my feet. I need those to run away from this crazy lady. Alright. Let's see what the hell is in this. Oh, up and up it goes, it never ends. AH JES- ! Are you serious right now? I got killed by a giant spider that came out of nowhere - how was I supposed to know it was there?! Oh God, I'm in the guillotine. Hi gram gram! Oh Jesus Christ, why you do this to me granny? What are Mom and Dad gonna think? They're dead too, aren't they? Probably. :Okay, well I'm gonna leave this episode of Granny here. Not the best game in the world but I'm having a weirdly good time with it, I'm having a little fun with trying to overcome all of this and now I kinda know the house a little bit better I think I can come back and try a lot harder, a bunch of people have played this game already and finished it and everything so if you've watched anybody else play it and you have some tips and tricks or anything like that on how to get past granny a little easier or what things to go for first or what's the easiest ending, things like that, I would like to know, so let me know in the comments but for now thank you guys so much for watching this video. If you liked it, punch that granny in the face LIKE A BOSS! And high fives all round wapoosh, wapoosh. But thank you guys and I will see all you dudes in the next video! :music plays :music ends :Jack: Look at ya, granny, I don't even know if I can call you a granny, you look like a zombie. Category:Granny Category:Transcripts